Santa Maria! You’ve never heard of this movie in your life? Don’t panic, it’s not a movie that everyone’s heard of. This is one of my dad’s most favorite movies, and he introduced it to my sister and I 3 months ago. After watching it again a week ago, I decided I’d introduce it to all of you (spoilers)!
Plot: Don’t Take it Too Seriously
Before I go any further, I’d like to say something important. This movie’s humor is exactly like Princess Bride. If you hated that movie, you’re probably gonna hate this one too. The essential plot of this movie is that the swashbuckling Don Diego returns home to Los Angeles, where his childhood friend Esteban is Alcalde. Long story short, Esteban es no bueno, and Diego puts on the mask/costume of Zorro to save the day.
George Hamilton as Zorro
But then, things get awesome when he sprains his ankle. Zorro’s long lost brother Bunny Wigglesworth (I’m not making this up) arrives in England and takes up Zorro duties. Hilarity ensues.
- Don Diego: The swashbuckling and womanizing hero of Los Angeles. Between the accent and the things he says, you’ll literally cry from laughter.
- Best Quote: [after spraining his ankle] My father would be very disappointed in me. To have come all this way and miss my destiny by… a foot.
- Bunny Wigglesworth: The flamboyant other side of Zorro who may or may not be a “poof”, if you catch my meaning. He’s the one who starts putting on the crazily-colored ensembles.
- Quote: Remember, there’s no shame in being poor, only in dressing poorly!
- Other quote: [Bunny to Diego about Esteban] I’m afraid not. In two days from now, my ship sails for England. But tell Esteban that if he wants to keep in touch with me, tell him to write to ‘Wiggy’ of the Royal Navy based in Portsmouth. But only if he’s serious.
- Charlotte Taylor Wilson: The slightly wealthy inheritess who’s come to help liberate the people of Los Angeles. She ironically falls in love with Zorro, not Don Diego.
- Quote: No. The eyes of freedom will always see through the blindfolds of tyranny. And the bonds of oppression will always be broken with muscles of liberty.
- Esteban: He’s the evil dude. He does a lot of high-pitched shouting and waving his arms. Not the brightest candle on the chandelier. Doesn’t like his wife but does fall for Bunny dressed as a lady.
- Quote: I have always been dependent on people being nicer than me, and never in my life have I been disappointed.
- Florinda: The whiny wife of Esteban who likes Diego much better. Spends most of the movie trying to get it on with Diego.
- Quote: [after being told she should build the people roads] What do the people need roads for? They never go anywhere.
Esteban’s men are telling him about various Zorro incidents (when he’s Bunny). They tell him he was red like an apple. Then yellow like a banana.
“Green like an avocado!” “Hmm, two fruits, one vegetable-” *high-pitched Spanish accent* “An avocado is a vegetable sir.” *glares* “I mean a fruit.” “Sir! Zorro struck again!” “What color was he?” “Red.” “Red like a rose or red like a radish?” “Red like a rose!”
*high pitched Spanish* “I think he’s trying to tell me something, two fruits, one vegetable, one flower!”